Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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