If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
