I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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