Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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