I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
