i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
