If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
