I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
well you can't waste a boner
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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