Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
