I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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