My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
