I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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