I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
