I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
