You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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