so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
