Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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