On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
