It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just threw up on my dentist
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are going to name an STD after you.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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