Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
