tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
