you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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