My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
