Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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