I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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