a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
