Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize