I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
