Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
