is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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