Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
