She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
