I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
