My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
