Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
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