At least make sure they are 18
Why
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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