I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
