i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize