I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
