i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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