don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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