Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
