Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize