just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
