he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
