Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize