He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
