he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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