This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
