I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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