were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
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Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
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PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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