it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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