my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
