this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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