Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize