O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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