and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
