I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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