Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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