i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
