I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
