Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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