come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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