I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
