I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
