life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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