The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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