a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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