Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
