There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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