Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
