you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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