Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
