So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
