Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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