how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
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