We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
