i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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