The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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