I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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