I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Help. Why am I so naked?
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