Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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