awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
