i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
