Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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