gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
