why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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