I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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