I'm really into asian looking animals
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
